Baby's Existential Angst

Hunter (at left): Sometimes I feel like we're the ones trapped in cages--prisoners of our tiny, inadequate bodies with inchoate vocal chords, wailing for an unnamed balm for our souls and for answers to the unending questions of life.      Hank (at right): Yeah, totally. Hey, do you think one of these things will try to bite my arm off if I dangle it in there? Let's find out...

Parenting Tip: Sometimes it may seem as if your baby is constantly doing things which put him or her in danger of death and/or dismemberment. Please try not to worry too much about this. These actions are probably not a sign of their existential angst (French babies aside) or some sort of death wish. Rather, it's much more likely that they're just a dumb baby and don't know any better.

The Souls of Babies

No. No I have not heard of Children of the Corn. I do not know of what you speak.

Parenting Philosophy Corner: Because they lack empathy, compassion and any sense of justice, it may seem as if your baby doesn't have a soul.

Generally speaking, this is not true. Most babies do have souls.

Sure, it may not seem that way sometimes, but eventually your baby will develop some sort of conscience and begin to care about others and the world around them.

Developmentally speaking, this usually happens around age 25.

Until then, it's probably best to just to treat your child as if they are a soulless sociopath or possessed by an exorcism-proof demon... a demon in need of diapers, toys, clothing, and eventually, a very expensive education.