Know-It-All Babies

I know! I know! What is "perestroika", Alex...

Parenting Tip: Once your child outgrows the phase wherein they ask you "What's that?" or "What does that mean?" about literally everything they encounter, they will begin the phase wherein they firmly believe that they know everything.

Almost inevitably, this will make you miss the phase in which they ask you what things are.

Baby's Existential Angst

Hunter (at left): Sometimes I feel like we're the ones trapped in cages--prisoners of our tiny, inadequate bodies with inchoate vocal chords, wailing for an unnamed balm for our souls and for answers to the unending questions of life.      Hank (at right): Yeah, totally. Hey, do you think one of these things will try to bite my arm off if I dangle it in there? Let's find out...

Parenting Tip: Sometimes it may seem as if your baby is constantly doing things which put him or her in danger of death and/or dismemberment. Please try not to worry too much about this. These actions are probably not a sign of their existential angst (French babies aside) or some sort of death wish. Rather, it's much more likely that they're just a dumb baby and don't know any better.

The Souls of Babies

No. No I have not heard of Children of the Corn. I do not know of what you speak.

Parenting Philosophy Corner: Because they lack empathy, compassion and any sense of justice, it may seem as if your baby doesn't have a soul.

Generally speaking, this is not true. Most babies do have souls.

Sure, it may not seem that way sometimes, but eventually your baby will develop some sort of conscience and begin to care about others and the world around them.

Developmentally speaking, this usually happens around age 25.

Until then, it's probably best to just to treat your child as if they are a soulless sociopath or possessed by an exorcism-proof demon... a demon in need of diapers, toys, clothing, and eventually, a very expensive education.

Yeah. Wheeee or Whatever.

I knew going up and down would eventually lose its thrill. I just never expected it to happen so fast.

Just like adults, babies can get bored. While this may be surprising when one considers that plastic rattles, blankets, stuffed animals or even jangling keys can provide countless hours of entertainment for babies, it is true nonetheless. It is healthy for a child to lose his or her sense of wonder concerning everyday things like gravity. You really don't want your kid to be the one who is constantly surprised about the fact that he isn't just floating off the planet. This could easily result in expensive therapy later in life...therapy for which you will inevitably be blamed for having caused.

Happy ... and Maybe a Little Drunk

I am finally happy! And maybe a little drunk....

The Giraffe Costume

I hope you're getting a lot of enjoyment out of the giraffe costume. I'm not really going to bother to hide the fact that I'm pretty "meh" about it.

But really, it's fine. Halloween is about you. 

Not children. It's about you.

Babyspeak & Babies Speaking - Welcome

Welcome to Babiesspeak.blogspot.com. On this site, we translate the babyspeak of everyday babies and turn it into posts on the Internet. Here is an example of that. . .

Why the hell is life not fair? Whyyy!?!

And that's how we roll here on Babiesspeak Parentblog now on Blogger.

Stay tuned for more pictures of babies sporting inappropriately-captioned words