Cute-Off: Dogs Versus Babies

Wait... did you just say that my hair is messier than the dog's? Well whose friggin' fault is that, people? Not my fault. Not unless I can now just drive myself to SuperCuts, you cheap bastards.

Parenting Tip: Since dogs will never understand what you say exactly, and can't talk back, you should probably just tell your children that you love them more than the family pet, even if you obviously don't.

Kitty Don't Fetch

Um, Mommy, I think I broke Kitty with the stick.... 

Parenting Tip: If you give a kid a stick, he will poke the hell out of anything nearby. And don't forget that he could at any time turn that stick into deadly projectile javelin and then giggle while hurling it at your face, the little psychopath.