Know-It-All Babies

I know! I know! What is "perestroika", Alex...

Parenting Tip: Once your child outgrows the phase wherein they ask you "What's that?" or "What does that mean?" about literally everything they encounter, they will begin the phase wherein they firmly believe that they know everything.

Almost inevitably, this will make you miss the phase in which they ask you what things are.

Babies Swinging & Other Amusements

Wheee! Swings are so effin' awesome!

Parenting Tip: Compared to older children, babies are easily amused. Try not to think of this as the sign of their inferior mental development that it is. Instead, be thankful that they aren't (yet) demanding the latest iDoodad or eWidget that costs a month's pay. The local playground is more than enough to keep even the most demanding babies entertained for hours ... or days, probably, if you left them there ... which we don't recommend ... in most cases.

When Babies Have Bad Days

I may not be able to put a sentence together yet, but all I need is two words: F**k. You.

Parenting Tip: Sometimes babies have bad days, too, just like normal adult-type people. The difference between your bad days and theirs is that they still have a chance of having some good days in the future.

To Spit Up or Not To Spit Up

Not gonna spit up, not gonna spit up ...

Parenting Tip: Most babies are born with the ability to projectile vomit like something out of The Exorcist. Cover yourself appropriately.

Yeah. Wheeee or Whatever.

I knew going up and down would eventually lose its thrill. I just never expected it to happen so fast.

Just like adults, babies can get bored. While this may be surprising when one considers that plastic rattles, blankets, stuffed animals or even jangling keys can provide countless hours of entertainment for babies, it is true nonetheless. It is healthy for a child to lose his or her sense of wonder concerning everyday things like gravity. You really don't want your kid to be the one who is constantly surprised about the fact that he isn't just floating off the planet. This could easily result in expensive therapy later in life...therapy for which you will inevitably be blamed for having caused.

Kitty Don't Fetch

Um, Mommy, I think I broke Kitty with the stick.... 

Parenting Tip: If you give a kid a stick, he will poke the hell out of anything nearby. And don't forget that he could at any time turn that stick into deadly projectile javelin and then giggle while hurling it at your face, the little psychopath.

Country Baby: A Day In The Life

WTF, you really expect me to like this? Driving a tractor in the hot sun harvesting crops? What am I, a peasant?

Please note that Babiesspeak ParentBlog does not condone the idea of allowing babies to drive tractors, and this may in fact be illegal in most states.

We're not sure, exactly, if it is ... we think so. It seems like it probably would be.

Happy ... and Maybe a Little Drunk

I am finally happy! And maybe a little drunk....

Eat Your Friggin Heart Out

Eat your friggin' heart out, Anne Geddes.

Photo by: Megan Calcara Hurtig


This photo is in no way is related to Anne Geddes, is probably not endorsed or even liked by her, and we make no claim that this photograph is the work of Anne Geddes. It certainly is not. But whatever. Anne Geddes is played out anyway, and we wouldn't want to be like her even if we could, which we don't. So there. Suck it, Anne Geddes.

Babyspeak & Babies Speaking - Welcome

Welcome to Babiesspeak.blogspot.com. On this site, we translate the babyspeak of everyday babies and turn it into posts on the Internet. Here is an example of that. . .

Why the hell is life not fair? Whyyy!?!

And that's how we roll here on Babiesspeak Parentblog now on Blogger.

Stay tuned for more pictures of babies sporting inappropriately-captioned words