Know-It-All Babies

I know! I know! What is "perestroika", Alex...

Parenting Tip: Once your child outgrows the phase wherein they ask you "What's that?" or "What does that mean?" about literally everything they encounter, they will begin the phase wherein they firmly believe that they know everything.

Almost inevitably, this will make you miss the phase in which they ask you what things are.

Why Babies Are Like Sponges

Look! I'm pole-dancing just like Mommy!

Parenting Tip: It is often said that babies are like sponges. This is true in two ways. First, it's true that they are likely to imitate almost anyone they come into contact with as they try to figure out the intricacies of the world around them.

The second way babies are like sponges? Sometimes they're also like contraceptive sponges because they make you never want to get pregnant again. Keep this in mind as you make your Valentine's Day plans.

Baby's Existential Angst

Hunter (at left): Sometimes I feel like we're the ones trapped in cages--prisoners of our tiny, inadequate bodies with inchoate vocal chords, wailing for an unnamed balm for our souls and for answers to the unending questions of life.      Hank (at right): Yeah, totally. Hey, do you think one of these things will try to bite my arm off if I dangle it in there? Let's find out...

Parenting Tip: Sometimes it may seem as if your baby is constantly doing things which put him or her in danger of death and/or dismemberment. Please try not to worry too much about this. These actions are probably not a sign of their existential angst (French babies aside) or some sort of death wish. Rather, it's much more likely that they're just a dumb baby and don't know any better.

Babies Swinging & Other Amusements

Wheee! Swings are so effin' awesome!

Parenting Tip: Compared to older children, babies are easily amused. Try not to think of this as the sign of their inferior mental development that it is. Instead, be thankful that they aren't (yet) demanding the latest iDoodad or eWidget that costs a month's pay. The local playground is more than enough to keep even the most demanding babies entertained for hours ... or days, probably, if you left them there ... which we don't recommend ... in most cases.

Grandparents and Baby's Sense of Smell

Jesus, can someone get me away from Grandpa's onion breath?  ...and if that's not onion, I really don't want to know what it is.

Parenting Tip: Grandparents can be a godsend for new parents. Obviously, grandparents are all too happy to babysit since most have little else to occupy their time (and they tend not to charge for this service, unlike that money-grubbing 7th-grader down the street). One underappreciated facet of grandparents is that they make parents look hip and "with it" in comparison. Additionally, they may help your baby and/or child appreciate the fact that your home doesn't smell like creamed corn, mothballs and death.

Baby Goes Beyond Close-Talking

Hey, lemme see if your tongue comes out like your teeth do...

Parenting Tip: Sure, it's cute when your baby touches your face as if trying to figure out what it does. Please keep in mind, though, that it's a very thin line between exploring and trying to rip off important parts of the aforementioned face.