Cute-Off: Dogs Versus Babies

Wait... did you just say that my hair is messier than the dog's? Well whose friggin' fault is that, people? Not my fault. Not unless I can now just drive myself to SuperCuts, you cheap bastards.

Parenting Tip: Since dogs will never understand what you say exactly, and can't talk back, you should probably just tell your children that you love them more than the family pet, even if you obviously don't.

When Babies Have Bad Days

I may not be able to put a sentence together yet, but all I need is two words: F**k. You.

Parenting Tip: Sometimes babies have bad days, too, just like normal adult-type people. The difference between your bad days and theirs is that they still have a chance of having some good days in the future.